My Heaven On Earth *

I Gasp!
In my hearts whole realm, the tranquility reigns
If I am able to précis about my little heaven.
for awhile away from grief and despair
I went out on a razzle with nostalgic moments,
along its ocean of ecstasies and euphoria’s
Episodes of tumults and commotions sank and perish.

Amid its fond warmth of love and nuzzle
All the hatred and throbs came to a halt.
From its lenient womb to its lap of luxury
Its emblems of contentment on my triumph.

of my vivid savvying of that every tear
that thee wailed on my hapless befall.
Through the trait of my grey matter
of reminiscing the old events of yore,
Thy incessant enduring on every vicissitude
Thy inspirations of being sturdy against tragedies.
In the times of my crippling maladies
I feel thy insomnia, thee tasted.

I desole! On my bended knees;
for my unexpected guerdons.
For this ha’p’oth eulogy of thee son
for that every faux pas I took in thy absence
I took a solemn pledge that I’ll dodge them all.

Oh Mother! The verses I’ve woven in thy praise and my remorse
flunked to depict the pain and gain.
For my hearts peace and tranquility
I stuck my gaze on thy gorgeous face.
As it strikes a chord of love with me,
on the harp, from the cradle to the grave.
Of thy love, a blessed meed from deity
If I would find my grave beneath thy feet.
In my little heaven, till the whole voyage
from life to death and death to life.

Reproach

From the ail to that every remedy
To that ebullient love from thy every sneak
It speaks to me, about our broken amity
About thy breach of oaths,
of being with me through thick and thin.
From the distance of thousand memories,
Along those million seconds
Thou came, Thou stayed and Thou left.
I remorse for being thy intimacy,
When in return thou perish it all.

From the every chat to that every rendezvous
To that tender from the every tiff
It speaks to me, about thy absence
About thy pangful adieu – the most I was scared about.
From the tears to that every smile
To no avail efforts from every travail
Beside thy footprints, a twinge thou left within me.

From the ways to that every voyage
To that every step we strolled together.
 It speaks to me, on account of travelling alone
About my lost comrade, about Thou.
From the BIG BANG to the BIG CRUNCH of our kinship
To the LITERATURE from the expression of PHYSICS
I write is the proof Thou still exist
I mourn, I reproach that you don’t.

Conflict, Education and Future

[Plight of a student in a conflict-ridden environment]

Recently as I bid an adieu to my 20^th birthday, I have begun to realise that with each passing year, I am carrying some burden from the last two decades of conflict that seem to cage me without my explicit consent. There is something more than the acres of land that have de facto passed on to me as part of our ancestral legacy and that is the melancholy drawn from the curfewed nights and catastrophic days which were circumstantial if not ancestral in nature.

I was born a couple of years after tehreek in the Valley began. In what I see now, my birth has corresponded with the peak of the movement. When I was too novice to understand the tales of tehreek from my maternal uncle, my fabled granny and from other kith and kin of mine about crackdowns, curfews and predicaments in our village and all around during 90s; least was I aware such things might be impacting me as a student in years to come. 

As a student as I try to explore a golden future for me I feel the conflict of all these years has already taken its toll on me as most of my student time seems to have stayed underutilized. All those perturbing incidents like fake encounters, killing of youth, raping of women, torturing men, and days of starvation and diurnal curfews seem to be lurking at a mental spot where precious books should have. The conflict has hit the student population of the Valley badly.

The student population of the Valley has witnessed conflicts within conflicts. For example, when in 2009 Shah Faisal became the first Kashmiri to top the civil services examination and the whole Valley was cheering for him, the student population had little to bask about as they were caught between mourning, curfews and overall unrest triggered by Shopian rapes. They were stuck between the predicaments and continual strikes and shutdowns. If we look back right from the times of tehreek, it is the education system of our state that has been suffering the most and student population of all classes and all regions the worst hit victims.

I do not want to shy away from a confession. It is my low percentage in the 12^th examination. I could have done more and probably made my family proud by securing a distinction or above. But one of the main reasons that I have got the low percentage in my 12^th class is the shutdown of almost five months and troublesome situations in Kashmir. Such an atmosphere is anything but conducive for a student for whom lack of conflict during studies is as important as breath in life.

At a time when Kashmiris were cheering on the success of Shah Faisal, the future of Valley students was at bet. A student who wants to learn, to serve the nation, to fulfill the dream of his  parents; a student who has been called as the bedrock of our society wants to come out of his home to study and it is sad he  is not able to do just that on account of the conflict.

In the whole scene out of pocket students are the worst sufferers of this conflict as they are not able to pay to private tutors. They find themselves ground in the mill of predicaments and their dreams are shattered long before they are able to take wings.

And the sad part is that we are still suffering from those tyrannical times, we are still lacking the quality of education. I do not harbour any doubts about the capability of students of my homeland. They have the will and capability to excel in almost every field; only if there could be an end to the conflict and someone has the courage to give an ear to them. Till that doesn’t take place in a conflict-ridden territory as our, we will also have to mourn the murder of a million dreams.


A version of this article was also published in print edition of Rising Kashmir on Thursday, 12 April 2014. http://www.risingkashmir.com/conflict-education-future/

Thy Goodness *

From where do I scrape the words?
From where I can bring them?
To rede thou and thy virtue.
It was predestined of being thy intimacy
become thy comrade was my serendipity.
I don’t remember the day we befriended – a rendezvous by fate
But I can perceive thy trilling voice,
It sounds more melodious than anything.
I haven’t seen thou vis-à-vis yet,
but I can assure folks, not little less of God’s grace.
Pious lass, a loyal daughter & a bosom pal.
Enumerate well traits I perceive in thou – I must say

It may seem funny and fatuous,
but I have had suffered deficiency of vitamin U – [Grins & Giggles]
Pleasure was mine & blessing of  Almighty
I wasn’t worth a gift to have thou as pal – I know
As I think of thy amity – I initiate to perceive
Mere words can’t construe what thou mean to me.
I would like to narrate and thou to hark,
there is a women in thou who always kept me at zenith
whose care, love and support let me to fly,
the damsel I have found myself in – Is thou
what it feels in thy absence – let me tell
Is same a one feels after days of nothing to eat and with desperation,
Is like a waif is wailing in loss of home
like desserts are shrieking for rain,
Give me a break I’ll make thou known about
Thy simplicity and being shy has driven me somewhere along
I don’t wanna come back from.
Today, Tomorrow I may die;
 I would like to wear the shroud of thy love
and thy heart as my grave, oh! My amigo

Phew!

My notions have given up.
My fingers ain’t able to accompany me anymore
My pen has halted to compose further
And I failed to explain Thou.

Sans Thou*

It is my soul where thou reside
my heart where thou beat
my eyes & ears where from thou watch & hark
my breaths the path where thou travel
my mouth from where you speak
my life where do thou exist
simply, Thou are where I am
and what I am is nothing sans thou.

Like flower seems sans smell
honey sans taste
Oceans sans water
firmament sans sun & moon
book sans script,
And me sans Thou.

Like song seems sans music
dessert sans rain
earth sans flora & fauna
a child sans mother
heart sans love,
And me sans thou.

At the time of dusk – thou came
through thick & thin thou have stayed
In the amidst of catastrophes & poignant anxieties
Thou bring along such sheen – that has obviated the pang
and new dawn with ecstasies & euphoria’s came in my being.

Just because I ain’t telling thou – doesn’t mean I don’t do
I didn’t sleep many nights – in thy memory.
I am so afraid of losing thou – All I can say or do is I Love You
Thou are the angel I have met – of late
the mere one who’d brought smiles along
I realized thou are the dream come true.
On the continual tarry for thou
when thou retort back avec love words
that will relish my being & let me live anew.

Dialect Of A Dream

In the melancholy of darkness.
In the amid of sleepy scene
I heard the shrieks of sunken yore
Puzzled beneath the grasp of memories
Something uncanny is hidden & unknown
In the obscurity, I feel thy sensation
I refrain, I travail to get out of this cage [Dream].
In awful state – frozen & timid
In the visit of thine – anew
The bruise thou caused in the deep inside
The way my tears trickle down – Inexplicable
 and blood along the vains cease.
In the gruesome trauma – I lost my ataraxia.

The unfathomable dream I had
In the amidst of darkness – Awhile I paused
I embrace the loneliness – befriended calamity
In the tranquil night – I am all alone
The soggy walls of dark room speaks to me
Thou is irate with me – they said;
I Love You still – Is the retort they gave
Let me tell you AMY – I ain’t gonna forget and move on
If not here, If not yet
Don’t renounce – we’ll make it there
Our dream ’ll come true – of being together
of being on the land where fairies dwell
In the house – with sapphire curtains – on the brink of rivulet
In the serene atmosphere – burst of flutterbies.
As I laid on the bed – my eyes were closed
A tear drop I felt on my cheek – Interim
I ope my closed eyes – I saw her wailing
On the separation of ours – since ago
Antonyms of hate I felt for her – at the moment
I bussed her teary eyes & plead to narrate those magical words
And let me feel the deva ju sensation of thy clasp
and don’t kiss me an adieu anew – I plague too.

Lovelorn "

I gasp!
In the fuzzy look of dawn
beneath the duvet of dreams
I felt her clasp;
our entwined hands & her breathes.


Amid the innocuous emotions
I flunked to capture the scene of affections
Interim we went to the land where fairies dwell,
where we abode beneath the crimson buds
we recline on the verge of rivulet
and stick the gazes to the firmament.


She removed the strand of hair from her cheek,
she tugged my hand and snuggle – I love the most
as the morning breeze held the chill
the sun also splashed its beam, gradually it turned yellow from orange.


Her invaluable benevolence of being my intimacy – every time
Her grins & her venting of breathes nearby my neck
made a stupid me to fell for her – again & again
All the senses of mine, greatened the intensity,
colors seem brighter – alluring
sounds more resonant – pleasing
and smells even powerful – soothing


Nature seem even prettier when her gaze meets mine
In her eyes which gleams more beautiful, more ravishing;
than any pearl known to me
In her sedate eyes, I went deep to sink
slowly her lips bussed my cheek,
In the zeal our lips were about to meet
and I lost myself in the sensation of her embrace.


Interim a yank of reality shuts the scene,
and shook up my mind
I wailed to realize it a dream only,
I awaken with a dilapidated heart
and I leaned back with a handful of abridged appetite.